You ruined my Life!


“You Ruined my life!”

” You ruined their lives!”

These phrases upset me.  The first one because some one is blaming another for their bad choices.  The other because it sounds like that person is assuming the people being refered to are weak.  It’s scapegoating and discrimination.

Here is what I mean.  Say you were raped or something.  It triggers nightmares, hypersensitivity, and other symptoms of PTSD.  Instead of getting help and/or finding constructive ways to cope you choose to become an alcoholic or do drugs to self medicate. instead of choosing to get better you get worse.  Just like that asshole chose to emotionally injure you, you chose not to heal.  Unless of course the put you in a coma or a vegetative state, then they ruined your life.  I’m not saying the attacker should not be punished in some way, their choices make them a threat and whose to say they’re not going to kill the next person.

I know I used an extreme example and I understand why a person would let what happened color their common sense. There are also people who accuse others of life ruining because the broke up with them or gave them a bad hair cut.  to wich I say, really guys?

The Second line, “You’ve ruined their lives!”  I usually hear a parent say it to an abuser of some sort.  I’ve always felt like it painted the survivor in a bad light.  The trauma can be overcome with help and support, used to their advantage even.  So why do people assume the survivors are ruined?  They still function unless, again, they are in a coma or the like,.  It’s really up to them how they choose to respond to what was done to them.

Many assume that trauma some how makes someone less.  History has shown that it can also make some one more.  It’s relly up to them.


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