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I now remember why I stopped watching The Steve Wolkos Show, it pisses me off.  The episode I watched was an intervention.  A woman was trying to prevent her friend from going back to her abusive husband.  He kicked her friend in the belly while she was three months pregnant with their kid,  She nearly bled out in her friends bathroom. He threw a fork hard enough for it to embed in her son’s leg. He hits her and calls her names.

Wilkos asked what is going through her head at the time.  Her response, what did I do wrong?  Why did I do that?  Not her husband, her.  Her Friend sees this and places blame where it goes, the husband making the choice to torture her friend.

Her friend tried to make going back to the husband as unappealing as possible, going so far as to taken to take the kids.  It didn’t work, she actually chose her husband over her friend and her kids.

I was pissed.

At the wife.

How could she dismiss her friends and kids for some one who will probably kill her!  How can she put her life in danger!  How can she think he loves her!

When I was younger I used to say that I would hit them and if they get upset I would say I was ask why they where upset if that’s how people show affection.  I was a stupid child.  Eventually I realized that it was a situation I didn’t understand.  At the time I’ve never been attacked.

After my realization I decided it was best to find out if there was am actual reason for the behavior.  Turns out its human nature.   On the part of the abuser its dominance  and entitlement.  No love, their partners are objects for them to break.  Women are abusers, so are men and intersexual people, those are the facts.

A person reading that might state that I don’t understand.  Guess what, I do.  I was attacked by my cousin, the first time I did nothing.  I found a way to blame myself, I should have just let him sleep ect.  The second time he attacked me I called the police.  I refused to drop the charges, he hasn’t touched me since.  He has verbally attack me and vandalized my property, he’s ganged up on me with other male relatives.

So yeah I get it.

The victims(as I will call the people choose to continue receive abuse)Believe they have no options.  They’ve convinced themselves that they did something to deserve being attacked.  They NEED the abuser to survive.   This, it turns out is a survival adaptation that abusers use to their advantage.  They plant the seed in the minds of their victims and nourish it until they kill their victim,they’re in prison, or the victim decides to be a survivor.

I get it, leaving doesn’t mean safe.  The act of leaving is dangerous, the abusers power is being challenged, a possession is being taken away.  So they throw a violent temper tantrum. That’s why  some victims stay, they tried leaving but they were nearly killed, now they’re to afraid.  It’s also why some survivors kill their abusers, they fear the person will hunt them down and kill them.

Back to the show.  My Mom walks in and I explain whats going on.  As We all do sometimes, she began to say how she wouldn’t let that happen.  The problem is human nature dictates that we don’t know what we’ll do.  I would hope that I leave this first time a lover starts to hurt me.(domestic violence is NOT and accident, that person hit you, called you a whore, what ever, pn purpose despite ho you justify it)  In the end I don’t want to find out what my response would be.

You may have noticed that for the most part I am not using gender specific words.  The reason is that Domestic violence happens everywhere and can happen to everyone.

info

25% of women will be attacked.

15% of domestic violence survivors are men(often by female partners)

74% of Americans(for example)No someone who has been attacked

domestic violence costs$ 5.8 billion a year.

1/5 teen girls will be attacked

14% of teens have been threatened

50% of abusers attack their children

Most childhood deaths are caused by domestic violence.

For some reason female domestic violence against males seems to be promoted(See a crap load of tv shows and cartoons.)

Domesitic violence victims loose 8 million days of work(if they’re allowed to)in the US.

Kids who see domestic violence are more likely to do it growing up

16,800 muders are the end resault of domestic violence

Sources

NCADV.org

Domestic Violence resource Center

Domestic Violence Stats

Steve Wilkos

Life

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